Billy Ray Cyrus, who rose to fame in the early nineties with a song I refuse to name, did an interview with Rotten Tomatoes earlier this month where he listed his five favorite movies. The list:
- Bonnie and Clyde
- The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
- The Horse Whisperer
- Blue Velvet
- Twilight
Wait, Twilight? Twilight? The rest of his list is understandable, but… Twilight?
Also, sometime in the last 15 years, Billy Ray apparently turned into Chris Gaines:
On a related note, I promise never to mention Billy Ray Cyrus ever again.
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Movies, News
The Evil Dead
Bubba Ho-Tep
Brisco County Jr.
McHale’s Navy
Army of Darkness
Congo
Jack of All Trades
Did you crack up just reading that list? If you did, then My Name is Bruce might very well be the funniest movie you’ll ever see. The humour in this movie consists almost entirely of people spouting off the names of Bruce Campbell movies. It’s absolutely excruciating. Completed in 2007, it’s been wallowing in distribution hell, supposedly because the studio liked it so much that they ordered reshoots in an attempts to make it even better. I call bullshit. Either they saw they had a dud and were attempting to salvage it, or they had a genuinely good movie on thier hands that they ruined by replacing all the jokes with with people stating various Bruce Campbell projects.
The plot loosely follows the same plot as The Three Amigos, except that movie was good. Bruce plays himself, fighting a monster that he thinks is fake but turns out to be real, blah blah, chickens out, blah, returns to fight it. You’ve seen this movie before, and that time it had jokes in it. This time, the villain is the ancient Chinese God of bean curds, a joke that’s not nearly as amusing as the script thinks it is.
The script itself is deadly. Written by Mark Verheiden, it seems more like Bruce Campbell fan fiction than an actual feature movie script. The dialog is atrocious, the jokes are limp, and the songs are dead weight that drag the entire movie down right from the opening scene. There should be hate crime laws against making people recite dialog this bad.
Rating: 1/5 Boomsticks
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Movies, Reviews
Discounting zombie movies, all indie movies have one of three plots:
- A quirky family pulls together through a crisis
- Bizarre fotage and sound effects are edited together in a surreal fashion
- Various character wander around sharing Philosophy 101 with each other
Masked and Annonymous falls into category #3. Bob Dylan plays Jack Fate, a man who sings nothing but classic Bob Dylan songs, talks like Bob Dylan, dresses like Bob Dylan, shares Bob Dylan’s creepy old-man moustashe, and almost shares Bob Dylan’s pseudonym (Jack Frost) but is not supposed to be Bob Dylan. He lives in an unspecified country and time that is hinted to be a future America run a cruel dictator who just happns to be his father. He used to be famous, like Bob-Dylan-in-the-60’s famous, but now he’s in prison and forgotten. Two con artists bail him out of prison (would the real-life Dylan really have trouble springing for bail?) to perform a charity concert, although they plan on using all the money collected to pay off thier debt to some criminals who want them killed. It’s a long, strange trip to the concert, and along the way exactly jack squat happens aside from an unending parade of celebrity cameos. John Goodman is one of the con artists, Jeff Bridges as a reporter, Luke Wilson as a guitar player, Cheech Marin as someone who has no impact on anything whatsoever, Giovanni Ribisi as a guy who babbles on and on and on until he gets shot by the military not a moment too soon, Ed Harris as a ghost in blackface (really), and the guy that played the blind shopkkeper from Becker as some random bad guy. It’s incedibly distracting, especially the scene where Dylan randomly bumps into Val Kilmer, who yaks endlessly about how we’re all “masked and anonymous” while pretending to kill and barbecue a rabbit. It’s obviously supposed to be deep and meaningful, especially when it turns out that he didn’t kill the rabit at all, but it’s pretty obvious that he has no idea what the words coming out of his mouth mean, and Dylan seems to be in complete agreement. The same scene also serves to highlight why Val Kilmer isn’t allowed to be in movies any more. On a more positive note, the movie contains tons of classic Dylan tracks, plus a song off Street Legal. The only reason anyone would want to watch this is for the soundtrack, and anyone who’d want to see a movie consisting of nothing but Bob Dylan songs probably already has them.
Rating: 2/5 creepy moustaches
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Movies, Reviews
Due to a sudden snowstorm, I got part of the afternoon off at work, and I decided to use this time to run a few errands. I did some grocery shopping, picked up some things from the pharmacy, and bought some new work gloves to replace a pair I’d put a hole through. Finally, I went to Tim Horton’s, where I sat around reading a book and drinking coffee for an hour or so. All told, I was gone for most of the evening.
It wasn’t until I got home and looked in the mirror that I realized that my shirt was on inside-out. I had giant bunched-up seams running all over my shoulders, and a bright white tag waving around on the back of my neck. I’m not sure how I missed this for the entire afternoon, and most importantly, I have no idea how everyone else around me failed notice it either. Especially the people in the clothing store.
My biggest worry is that since I’m a pretty frequent shopper at those stores, people did see, and they’re just so used to seeing me wandering around looking like I got dressed in the dark that they didn’t bother to say anything. I could probably walk around with the tag sticking out the front, and people would just be happy that I’d at least remebered to zip up my pants this time.
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My Life is a Sitcom, Thoughts
Today I recieved a coupon from Blockbuster that expires on April 40th.
I like this.
Just a small slice of insanity in my day, nothing too major.
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Movies, Thoughts
