Well, well, well. I was contacted today by Mr. Sule Mohamed. He has informed me that he has come across an 11.5 Million dollar bank account belonging to a deceased client of his. All I have to do is wire him $4500 for airfare and he will bring the proper documents to sign joint ownership of said account.
See you later, suckers!
Apparently, Courtney Love is filing a lawsuit against gaming industry giant, Activision, over the appearance of Kurt Cobain in Guitar Hero 5. Her Twitter page is currently a frenzy of horrible spelling and general threats in regards to the rights of Cobain’s likeness. Sure, I find reanimating dead musicians to sell video games is as tasteless as it gets, but detest Courtney Love even more so.
In commemoration, I’ve decided to share with you, a little song I wrote.
Kurt Cobain is Dead (and I’m Pregnant)
Kurt Cobain is dead, and I’m pregnant.
Yes, Kurt Cobain is dead, and I’m pregnant.
Yeah Kurt Cobain is fucking dead.
He put a shotgun in his mouth
and blew off his head.
Oh, Kurt Cobain is dead, and I’m pregnant.Kurt Cobain wrote a lot of songs.
Kurt Cobain smoked a lot of bongs.
Kurt Cobain did a bunch of drugs.
Kurt Cobain ate shotgun slugs!Kurt Cobain killed himself, and I’m knocked up.
Yes, Kurt Cobain killed himself, and I’m knocked up.
Oh, Kurt Cobain shot himself in the head
and now I’m knocked up and you’re the dad.
Kurt Cobain killed him fucking self, and I’m knocked up.Sid Vicious killed Nancy first.
He would do it again if time were reversed.
Kurt Cobain in heaven above.
Why didn’t you kill Courtney Love?(repeat Chorus 1 and 2)
Any musicians reading this wanna collaborate? I think it could be a hit. Drop me a line.
UPDATE: Seems Courtney Love has blocked everyone else from reading her drug-addled Tweets. Shame, they were comedic gold!
MOAR UPDATE: I am now following Courtney Love’s Twitter. Unfortunately, all of it is almost entirely incomprehensible.
Well, I’m pretty sure Rob is officially gone, and I don’t remember when he said he’s coming back. If people tell me important information while I’m drunk, I have a strange bad habit of completely forgetting it. Anyways, he mentioned something about Las Vegas and Disneyland, and I hope for his sake that he didn’t originally intend on driving to any of those places. Also, I wonder if there’s any costumed jerks of Marvel superheroes in Disneyland yet.
That being said, I suppose it’s about time to attempt to construct some half-decent content for the site.
Last Saturday, I dragged my lazy ass out of bed at 6:00 am 6:45 am, jumped in my car, picked up a friend of mine, and drove three hours north to a little place called Edmonton to attend a little event called the Sonic Boom Modern Music Festival. Unlike our good friend Rob, who happens to score free passes to all sorts of festivals, I had to pay for my ticket. I suppose the main reason I didn’t get awesome free swag or press passes or anything is my own fault. I just didn’t ask for them.
Because of this, I decided against writing a review for a show that I paid money for. I will however, share with you some irrelevant observations I made during the show.
That’s about all I wanted to share on that. Franz Ferdinand and Metric were spectacular, and I really liked USS, who played earlier in the day. Spamming the SONIC BOOM sound byte from Street Fighter II over and over was brilliant. We left before Alexisonfire and Billy Talent started to play, not only because of the long drive back, but also because I don’t think anybody old enough to drink actually cares about either of them.
One last note, I created an email, if anyone wants to send some love mail, hate mail, or spam.
For those of you uncouth, culturally depraved individuals who don’t know what you’re looking at, Jones Soda is a tasty drink that comes in a variety of odd flavors, and uses photos submitted by individuals on their labels at seemingly random. Just recently, I found out that you can submit photos online, and have people vote for them, thus increasing the odds of having ones photo used for mass production. What better way to whore out votes than to abuse my limited privileges on this site?
The shady character in the foreground happens to be me. Oooh, so mysterious. Spidey is in the bathroom, adjusting his mask. I’m not sure whether or not it was intentional for the photo to turn out so creepy. Anyways, you probably want to know what the fuck is going on here exactly. A group of our friends decided to participate in a fictional holiday known as “Halfoween.” It takes place on May 31st, and the idea is to dress up and get drunk as if it were a normal Halloween, the wander around in public, and interact with other drunks, who are totally perplexed by a group of costumed jerks. I’m supposed to be Peter Venkman. The costume also included a very spiffy home-made proton pack. Rob was there too, as Ash from the Evil Dead movies, complete with cardboard chainsaw, and and a fucking wicked toy shotgun (which I accidentally broke at some point).
The night ended when Spiderman dropped the very camera that this photo was taken with into a glass of rum and coke, thus destroying it.
VOTE FOR ME!
