Speaking from my lofty throne as a genuine Z-grade internet celebrity, I have to say that life up here is pretty sweet. I get free stuff for no discernible reason, I get into various events for free, and I occasionally find myself being quoted in far-off corners of the internet. There are drawbacks, however, like the fact that my web hosting costs more than the combined value of the free crap I get, or that most of the people that send me stuff only do it because no respectable website will touch it, and they operate under the assumption that bad publicity on a website barely anyone reads is still better than no publicity at all.
I may be on the bottom of the Internet Celebrity ladder, but believe me, it’s thrilling just to be on it. One day, however, with a lot of hard work, a little luck, and a metric tonne of self-whoring, I’ll climb right to the top, at which point I’ll be on the bottom rung of the Real Celebrity ladder, and on my way to actually being famous.
You see, internet celebrities aren’t actually famous outside of the internet, no matter what you may have heard on Tosh.0. The current head of Internet Celebrities, Perez Hilton, is still barely a pseudo-celebrity in the real world, and I’m 25 ranks below him. To show you how this all works, I’ve drafted up this little graph, which clearly shows that the entire Internet Celebrity Hierarchy is nestled snugly between the Y and Z grades of the Real Celebrity Hierarchy:
In summary, please send me more free stuff. Email me at bulletriddled@badenewscentral.com, I’ll tell you where to send it. If your company produces something no one could possibly want, we here at Bad News Central will take it. I really need new office furniture.
The cesspit that is the Twilight/New Moon phenomenon has reached a crazy new depth, as evidenced by the following clip. I don’t recommend watching this video at work, unless you work somewhere that’s okay with giant glittery vampire dildos. On second thought, I don’t recommend watching it anywhere, period.
This is the Bad Movie Early Warning System. This is not a drill. People with high blood pressure are not encouraged to continue reading this post. Please evacuate all small children and senior citizens from the room before scrolling down. I repeat, this is not a drill.
Yes, that is the real title. The movie appears to be a parody of Judd Apatow’s film, for reasons I cannot even begin to comprehend. Apparently Hollywood hasn’t got the memo that you can’t satirize something that was already funny to begin with. Even stranger, the guy who played McLover in Disaster Movie will apear in this one playing McAnalovin. It’s already been filmed, so at this point all we can do is hold tight and brace for impact.
Whether this is a movie that will require another contest is yet to be seen. One actor’s Facebook wall says that the original title was Slumdog Virgin, So this is definitely looking like it’s in the Friedberg/Seltzer mould. I’ll be reporting on any new information as it develops. No need to hide in your bomb shelters just yet, but you should probably start stocking them just to be safe.
The goons on the Something Awful forums decided to try to make the worst Christmas album possible. Here’s my submission, “Where Were You on Christmas?”
