Bad News Central

When I take office as Prime Minister, I promise to enact the following laws as soon as possible:

General

1. People who chew with their mouths open will be prohibited from eating in public.
2. People who continuously fail to grasp the differences between to/too/two and loose/lose will be made to retake one (1) semester of 3rd Grade English.

Driving

1. The left lane shall be for passing.  This is already the law, but this time we’re really serious.
2. People who drive in the left lane, yet drive slower than the people in the right lane, will have their licenses revoked.
3. People who are forced to pull into the right lane in order to pass someone in the left lane will have the right to fire one (1) paintball at the other person’s vehicle.
4. People who drive 10km/h under the speed limit in either lane will have their licenses temporarily suspended.
5. People who drive 20km/h under the speed limit in either lane will be pulled over to the side of the road and shot.

Political

1. Politicians will no longer be allowed to vote for their own raises.  Raises will be voted on by the public, who will be given a list of every member’s previous voting history and embarrassing Parliamentary outbursts.
2. Members of Parliament who yell, mock, or throw things at another member while Parliament is in session will be forced to spend the remainer of that session sitting in the hall.
3. The second “a” in the word Parliament will be removed.  It’s confusing.

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