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Pornimals

At a shopping trip to Ikea a few weeks ago we found a really cute stuffed crab called Korall Krabba:

Korall Krabba, porn star

We bought him and used him as a pilow on our couch.  A couple weeks later someone sent me a funny porn picture (click for big, I’ve blocked the naughty bits):

No, Krabba!  You'll never get taken seriously as an actor now!

I was using Krabba as a pillow when I loaded the image.  As you can image, I did a triple-take, and still didn’t quite believe it.  Krabba had a wild side!

This picture is almost as good as the famous Next Door Nikki photo where she’s being spyed on by a creepy looking stuffed frog:

Fuzzi Froggo

As luck would have it, right at this time a thread was started on the Something Awful forums by someone who was looking for this exact frog.  Hundreds of people chimed in that they also wanted this frog.  A worldwide hunt for the frog went down, with people combing toy stores and toy frog collections for this one specific pillow.  One was spotted by someone from the window of a tour bus in Gemrany.  A few people remembered seeing some in other stores around the world, but no one could quite remember where or could track one down.  An internet search conducted by hundreds of nerds (including me) turned up nothing.  It seemed hopeless.  Some people (including a moderator) had been hunting this frog for years.  No one seemed particularily interested in the porn itself, but the frog in the corner had people combing entire cities store-by-store.

Before we continue, let me say that I didn’t make up a single bit of that.  We’re really that pathetic.  In my defense, I just wanted the frog to join Krabba in my pornimal collection.

Just as we were getting ready to abandon our quest, a miracle happened: the frog was found.  One single frog, at the back of a complete stranger’s closet.  Don’t ask.  Even better, the frog still had a tag, and the distributor was tracked down and informed that hundreds of people across the globe were willing to pay upwards of $50 for a stuffed frog they saw in the corner of a softcore porn photo.

The bad news is that the frog is out of production.

The good news was that the company is willing to put it back into production if 600 preorders can be found.

If you would like this frog, send me an email at bulletriddled@badnewscentral.com, and I’ll pass it on to the people in charge.  Also, send me an email if you know of any other pornimals.  As far as I know, there aren’t any pages on the internet dedicated to them, and I’d like to have the first.

6 Comments

  1. Mike Mike says:

    Awesome! I saw that thread but never really read through it all. Goon power is great, except it’s mostly used for ridiculous humour and pointless endeavours, such as tracking down pornstar stuffed animals. Screw solving big issues, we want a ‘Get out’ frog!

  2. @Mike
    It’s one of the few times something like this has ended in such an awesome victory. I’m so glad it’s another Super Hornio Brothers instead of another Hulk Hogan Meat Shoes.

    I predict I will get 50 emails asking me to explain what the hell I just said.

  3. DORG DORG says:

    What I want to know is why this man thought it was appropriate to pose like a swooping bird of some sort while nailing this girl from behind.

  4. He’s trying to one-up Krabba, but it’s not working.

  5. [...] If you need some context, read this. [...]

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