Having hated the first Twilight movie, I was a little worried when when my wife managed to score opening day tickets for New Moon. I didn’t feel any better when we walked into the theatre to find that we were older than a majority of the audience by at least a decade.
The opening few scenes left me cold. The acting hadn’t got any better since the first movie, and the vampire makeup was noticeably worse. Whereas the first movie gave the Cullens pale white faces that looked like last-minute Halloween costumes, New Moon cakes their entire heads in so much white makeup that they look like a family of mimes. However, the vampires disappear fairly early in, and are replaced by a pack of Native American werewolves who insist on wandering around shirtless all the time. We’re introduced to them when a naked man walks out of the woods holding Bella’s unconscious body, and everybody celebrates and thanks him instead of doing the obvious thing and calling the police. Things take a turn for the outright hilarious when Edwards starts manifesting himself as Bella’s conscience, and unfortunately ends up looking like a sickly Obi-Wan Kenobi. I settled in and prepared for an even more painful experience than sitting through the first movie.
My feelings for the franchise, however, completely turned around when, less than half an hour into the movie, my wife stood up and loudly announced “This movie is stupid, I’m leaving!” We got dirty looks from all the teenage girls, looks of awe from all the teenage boys, and we even got our money back from the theatre. We re-spent that money at the bar next door.
New Moon truly is the gift that keeps on giving this holiday season.