I’m sure everyone in Canada has seen the Doritos Viralocity TV ads. The idea of the contest is that you make a video and name a new Doritos flavour, and whoever’s video gets the most hits also get to name the new chip, as well as make $250,000. That’s a lot of cash, so it got me thinking about the perfect name for a potato chip. It also got me thinking about dinosaurs, which happens with me a lot because dinosaurs are fucking awesome!
Anyway, I settled on the name Spicy Brontosaurus. Here’s my ad:
If you would like to see bags of Brontosaurus-flavoured potato chips on every store shelf in the country, then please click here to go to my video’s page. There you’ll find buttons to post it to Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Digg, and all the other media-sharing sites. I get bonus points every time you do. Tell the world that you demand Brontosaurus!
This is an INFRARED ALERT! That’s over twice as bad as a regular red alert! Do not, under any circumstances, read the following post. Instead, turn off your computer, go to your nearest place of worship, and pray to you deity of choice that the following breaking news is wrong. May God have mercy on our souls.
I’m really, really sorry, but I have some terrible news – Jason Friedberg and Aron Seltzer are back.
Their new movie is tentatively titles LA Art Movie, although considering almost every single one of their movies have changed titles during production, it’ll probably be called Vampire Movie by the time you read this. Anyway, Slashfilm has recovered this Craigslist casting post:
AMBER – 18-22, beautiful and sensitive, must have a flair for comedy..LEAD
PHILIP – 18-24, darkly attractive, aristocratic adn intense, must have a flair for comedy..LEAD
MICHAEL – 18-22, working class, sincere and appealing, must have a flair for comedy…LEAD
FRANK – 40-50, Amber’s dad, good looking
I’ll have more information on this as soon as I can get it, unless I decide to commit suicide instead. It’s about 50/50 on those two choices right now.
Burger King has an application on their website that lets you make your own custom hamburger. It got posted to the Something Awful Forums, where we had our typical bit of fun with it. Then we got wondering whether or not Burger King would actually make some of the monstrosities were coming up with. I volunteered to find out, and this is the result.
I’m at a total loss of words to describe the experience of eating the Noah’s Ark. It tastes like rubber, smells like a slaughterhouse, and contains enough grease to run your car.
No one at the Burger King I went to knew if they were even allowed to make the damn thing, but it was eventually given the okay by a very confused manager. It came wrapped in six Whopper wrappers and I had to carry it out in a family-size take-out bag. I don’t know if I’ll ever get the smell out it of my car.
I was able to fit the thing in my mouth by squeezing the hell out of it, which caused the ketchup and mayo to mix with the grease and form a constant stream of orange goo to leak out the bottom. The first thing that hit me was the grease. Then the taste kicked in, and it honestly felt like I had a mouthful of rubber bands and melted plastic. The different consistencies of the meat made them all mix together into beef and chicken chunks in a fish and veggie gravy. My body rejected it on the first bite, but I managed to eat nearly a quarter of it before I started getting the dry heaves and had to put it down.
The Noah’s Ark costs $16.89 and is available at Burger King’s everywhere.
